How Do I Live
by Elizabeth Anamon
Summary: Post Living Doll. Grissom wonders how he could ever go through life without Sara. GSR. Songfic to Trisha Yearwood's How Do I Live. I Had some gramatical errors, now fixed.


**Title How Do I Live**

**Summary**** Post Living Doll. Grissom wonders how he would ever get by without Sara. Songfic set to Trisha Yearwood's 'How Do I Live'**

**Rating**** T**

**Comments**** It's going to be a long summer.

* * *

**

She wasn't talking. She just sat there singing that stupid song. Pain in her sawdust, HA! He'd show her a pain if Sara died before they found her.

Right now though, he just couldn't get Sara out of his mind. She couldn't die, she just couldn't. He needed her.

"I need you Sara," he cried to himself, his hands buried in his hands. "I can't live without you."

_How do I  
get through a night without you?  
If I had to live without you,  
what kind of life would that be?  
Oh, now,  
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,  
You're my world, my heart, my soul,  
_

He had been honest when he had said that Sara was the only thing he had ever loved, besides his job and bugs, that is. All he could do was stare at the little hand moving and wriggling, feeling for proof that she was still alive. He hoped, and for the first time in a long time, prayed that she was still alive. Every now and then his body would shake and tremble with a dry sob. Tears never came. Even now in his office, the door closed and blinds drawn, he could not let his emotions show. Only Sara could bring out the side of him that wasn't Vulcan. Without her, he would simply explode. Crash. His poor tangled heart would go into overdrive and self-destruct.

_If you ever leave,  
baby you would take away everything good in my life.  
Without you,  
There'd be no sun in my sky,  
There would be no love in my life,  
There'd be no world left for me.  
And I,  
Baby I don't know what I would do,  
_

Gil closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He could see her laying in bed clad in nothing but one of his T-shirts. God, she was so beautiful in the simplest things. She couldn't have been more beautiful in a ball gown. As he tried to picture Sara as he knew her, HIS Sara, his mind involuntarily flashed to the horrific image of Sara under that car. Sara desperately clambering for her life. Sara trying to scream but being unable. Sara dying.

He forced his eyes opened and had to make a conscious effort to breath. He looked at the picture on his desk of the two of them at an amusement park. They had gotten a man to take their picture in front of Gil's favorite roller coaster. She looked so happy, so alive. HE looked happy.

"I'll never be happy again if I lose you, Sara. I'm lost without you, baby."

_I'd be lost if I lost you,  
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,  
And tell me now,  
How do I live without you?  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live? _

As the picture smiled back at him and the mini dying Sara told a different story, Gil finally broke down and wept freely. He was ashamed of himself for this display, but He needed to let it out. All the grief, shame, guilt, love, confusion, and utter shock erupted from his eyes. How would he ever live without Sara if she died, just died alone in the desert somewhere. Sara was the only thing that made him feel human, feel alive. Without her he would feel dead.

_If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything,  
I need you with me,  
Baby 'cause you know that you're everything,  
good in my life.  
And tell me now,  
How do I live without you,  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I li__ve?  
_

As the tears subsided, he regained his composure and slowly rose to his feet. He knew what he had to do. He had to break the woman who had stolen the only thing he ever loved. Or she had tried to anyway. He had to find Sara. He refused to go through life without his love. He didn't know how.

_How do I live, without you baby_


End file.
